Here’s What Finally Caused Me to Leave My Job
We’ve all had that job before that completely drained us and made us question whether we should be there in the first place. But given all of the negatives, we’re still afraid to make a move. We give ourselves reasons as to why we should stay.
Maybe this is just temporary.
Maybe I just need to suffer through this in order to reach the next level of my career.
Who knows; the next company maybe just as bad as this one.
Sometimes we need to know whether we are making the right decision. Sometimes we already know, but we just need to hear that affirmation from someone else. My path to quitting may help you figure out your own.
2020 was the year that did it for me. After almost five years at my current company I knew it was past time for me to leave. I think back on how I got to that point and I realize that it was an entire journey. Each step leading to the next one until there was no doubt in my mind that I was making the right decision. It ended up being a nine step process, with the first one being the most obvious.
I Hated Coming to Work
I think this one is a given for a lot of people. It’s a shame how many people hate coming into work. Call me an idealist, but I do believe that there are jobs that people actually enjoy. Yes, there may be nuances, but overall you should like your work, the people you work with, and what you are achieving.
I got to the point where I hated all three.
Still it was a tolerable amount of hate. I called it the “Mondays” like everyone else did, and constantly dreamed of Friday. I focused on my life outside of work. This job, I reasoned, was just here to pay the bills. At some point, though, I realized that enjoying my work and getting a paycheck were not mutually exclusive.
I Couldn’t Figure Out the Politics
Things started to ramp up when I came more in contact with the office politics. Since I was growing in leadership, I had more opportunities to get face to face with upper management.
Being a part of a matrix organization, I was caught in the middle of department and program management. Because of this, almost everything I heard sounded like the “he said, she said” of high school. I couldn’t figure out where the real direction was coming from. To top it all off, I heard a lot of critical feedback about myself without anyone actually taking ownership for saying it.
I saw that others were shown favoritism and still others were clearly ostracized. I couldn’t figure out why. All of this caused a confusion and anxiety that I had never experienced up until that point. I had no idea what would cause criticism or how to fix it. I would never understand the real motivations that the leadership had.
It Affected My Home Life
I’m not surprised that that it started to affect me outside of work as well. I came home depressed and irritable, usually thrusting a lot of my feelings onto my family. I started to develop anxiety due to all of the confusion I was under at work. I had nightmares about the office.
My fiancé had to sit me down and tell me that I needed to make a change. First he told me to stop bringing my work home. Then he suggested therapy. Finally, he alerted me that I may need to change my job. Even the , I still needed more reason to leave.
I Lost Ownership
The more I took on at work, the more that I felt like I lost all ownership of what I was doing. With the addition of my new role, I gained responsibility but no authority. This pretty much meant I got yelled at without any ability to fix anything. This only added more to my anxiety and made me more frustrated with my job.
Additionally, a change in leadership had taken away a lot of my old work that I had enjoyed, leaving me in a gray state, wondering what my role even was anymore. I didn’t even know what value I was adding to my team or the project. Nothing is worse than hating your job while also not having meaningful work to distract you from the day.
I Felt Stuck
All of my anxiety was compounded with my career existential crisis. I felt like I was at the edge. A little bit longer and I would be forever defined by my current role and current industry. If I ever wanted to make a change I needed to do it now.
I’m not sure if this is actually true, but it sure felt that way to me. I had to ask myself, is this really what I wanted to be doing for the rest of my life? I knew the answer to that question was no. So the next question was, what was I going to do about it?
I Didn’t See it Meeting My Life or Career Goals
The year before, I decided to do become career-minded and began to meet up with a mentor within the company. This mentor was an executive leader within the function that I wanted to move into. I remember talking to her about the trajectory I needed to take in order to what I believed to be my ideal position.
The path that she laid out was the most convoluted thing I had ever heard of. Not only that, but I learned it would take upwards of 15 years before I was able to access the type of role that I might enjoy.
These conversations got me thinking about what I ultimately wanted to do with my career. I realized two things. One, that “ideal” position wasn’t what I actually wanted to do, but was only the best role I could see within that company. Two, my current company could never get me to my real ideal position, and my current role was not helping me get to where I ultimately wanted to be.
I Couldn’t See It Getting Better
Once I realized this, I wondered if I could make my current position better. I racked my brain, but the change in management crushed all of those dreams entirely. It became even less likely that I could build a role that I could enjoy or help me towards my goals. I also couldn’t see another role within the company that would help.
It was at this point that I knew that I wouldn’t want to be at this company long term, but was now the right time to leave? Looking back, the answer seems obvious. If you are not on the path towards your goals, immediately change course. I knew I was on the path, and I knew there was no other role that could get me there. That should’be been enough for me. But I needed one more reason.
I Wanted More Money
The salary just wasn’t cutting it. I found out I was pregnant with my second child at the end of 2019 and I tried really hard to balance the budget in my head at my current salary. I could manage it, but it would be tight.
I thought of all the things I wanted to be able to provide for my family. The salary I had was subpar and after talking to some coworkers in higher positions, I realized I didn’t have much to look forward to in terms of raises.
I Dreamed Of My Next Position
I was absolutely sure I wanted to leave then, but I wasn’t ready to leave until I knew where I wanted to go. Everyday I dreamed of what I wanted my next position to look like. I needed to run towards a good position, not away from a bad position. The latter is how we make impulsive decisions and end up in a worse position than where we started. With the knowledge of where I wanted to be, I started to job search earlier this year and found a few opportunities that would be great for me.